Hell is not so far away. I can tell, I’ve been there, so I can place my bets with a lot more security than any of you. I’m sure that you imagine journeys through dimensions, mystical creatures, bright lights, sulfur and fire. But no, these places are not so fancy. They were not created for tourists, but they do hold great propaganda between all of us. Did you know? Did you even care about that? If so, stay with this old man so I can tell you a little more about it.
Well, yes, I can see in all of your faces the curious feeling, the need to know what it looks like or how it is. However, music is pretty much alike: everyone hears it in a different way, everyone has a personal and unique experience with it. You may learn to love classical musicians and their masterpieces, but you may also find unique feelings arising from scrambled electrical noise. In such a way, you can get to like hell and find yourself disgusted from anything else, but you won’t find not a single reason you can use to teach your experience to someone else. That’s the reason nobody know this: it is just impossible to describe.
Colors also work in the same way. How do you even know you’re seeing the same color as anyone else does? Just because you call them by the same name? Bullshit. Names are just words, and for most of the words you use every day you don’t even know what they really mean. You think you have control of your life but that’s another lie. Think of anything you’re proud of, any achievement you’ve made. Now, was it really your achievement, or were you just lucky to be there?
Don’t say “I worked hard for this.” That’s also bullshit. More people than you imagine work harder and don’t even get half of what you’ve got. What about them? Don’t they deserve the results of their efforts? Or maybe you’re just lucky and they’re not?
Back to the hell subject, maybe you’ll find a closer relation with feelings. Feelings are different for everyone, even when we use the same words for all of them.
Have you even been overwhelmed by hate? Being totally blinded, furious, lost in anger and starving for infinite destruction? Now we’re getting closer. Maybe you’re angry about a specific subject that came to you, or about a certain thing that happened. Now imagine every single thing sums up to that. Imagine every single sight, every single object enrages you so fucked up that you don’t even remember what were you doing a moment ago. You just don’t know. You just don’t care anymore.
Finally, imagine you are completely self-aware of what you feel, of how it makes you behave and how you show yourself to the world. A demon you might be called, a totally insane person. Of course, it would totally be better if someone just put you out of your misery. But at a certain point, you begin to like it.
You will find yourself in this somehow fucked up world, were everything is absolutely despicable. You can do nothing but get used to it, enjoy your desire for total massacre every day and from time to time, give yourself the chance and let it all out. You secretly destroy, you kill, you lie, you hurt, you despise, you betray. Nothing matters at all, you need to do it. It’s in you, it’s all you are.
I think now you get me. But I know what you’re thinking. Yes, this feels like this is some kind of torture, but only if you’re a real person and you get to understand what I’ve just said.
What was the reason of it all? You don’t know. You don’t care. You can’t afford to care. You are completely taken out and ripped from the inside out with those forces that struggle to explode from you and get out.
Even worse: you are not alone. You see other people in your day to day so-called-life, and they are so badly fucked up as you, or even worse. You don’t know. You don’t care. You just know they are there and they are willing to destroy you as soon as they can. You have to avoid them, but at the same time you want to destroy them too. You’ve heard the saying: it’s you or me. Of course it’s going to be me, motherfucker. You won’t leave them take your part, ’cause of course you hate them more than you hate yourself. Even if you didn’t, those aren’t going to have the chance of getting rid of you.
We don’t need fire, demons, sparkly tridents, spears, or all that sick invention man has created. The pain is already into you, and it is part of you. It’s definitely better if you’re on your own, defenseless, suffering, day by day, until you just can’t notice how time goes by. Think of minutes, hours, days being wasted on all this. Bearable? Not at all. Now think of months, years, decades. Yes, they will come, and no, there’s nothing you can do about it. But what will you do about it? What would you do? Do you know? Of course not. You don’t even know. You don’t even care.
I need to get off now, so I’ll finish my explanation shortly. Why would we go to a place like that? I actually don’t know, but I really don’t care. Maybe it’s some kind of divine intervention for the sake of having fun with us. Maybe it’s just the way it is. Maybe we deserve it. That’s my best shot at it.
One last thing: we don’t go there when we die. We go there when we’re born. Yeah fuckers, you got me. That place is the same world we live on every day. Fuck all that fancy bullshit about rescuing the whales, about saving the world and get back to your lousy work, your pathetic lies to your dear ones and the hidden secrets you’ve all got. You’re the same as everyone else, hating and fucking up everything and everyone in your way, ’cause of course “I deserve it”. Fuck you. Fuck what you deserve. You deserve nothing.
Now get the fuck out of my way and let me go once and for all. Thanks. I’ll be just one bad memory to you and you won’t know if my whole speech was a lie or the real truth. You won’t know. You won’t care.